Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Wonder Years

A very long time ago, I studied in a management institute with a group of very eccentric and hugely entertaining people. They were - and still are - intelligent, fun and fantastically crazy.
Recently, we realised that many of us have figured out a way to handle boring meetings at office - Blackberry Messenger. We decided to relive some of those wonder years by group-chatting on BBM and WhatsApp. Since most of us in general - and one in specific - are not very system-friendly, this was not as easy as it just sounded. We had to navigate through crazy questions ("Yeh BBM kiss jaanwar ka naam hain?"), multiple chats in different app windows (and questions on how to see them all together) and crazy app rules (WhatsApp only allows group size of 11 - moderator + 10).
But between all this, we managed to bring alive the magic of banter. As I wrote some time earlier, the thing with good friends is that you manage to pick up the thread from where you left it last. Even if it was a decade back.

I am reproducing some of the exchanges we have had over the last couple of days. Imagine, we churned out this shit in just two days... and most of us managed to save our jobs as well!

- Why can't I upload this picture? It stops at 95%.
- Mantri ne paisa khaya, 3G poora nahin lagaya...

- Is Eid today or tomorrow?
- Tom.
- Uncle Tom.
- Tom Marvolo Riddle.
- Tom toh thehre pardesi...

- In a boring meeting. Please entertain. Off to Goa tomorrow.
- Baarish mein kya karega Goa mein?
- Baarish ke season mein hi toh mazaa hain, meri myna
Note: all the three participants in the above exchange are male.

- Good morning, bayz. Read last night that Napoleon's grandson created the FBI. Also, read a few months ago that a Prof Smith of New Jersey has Napoleon's penis locked up in a box under his bed. He sleeps soundly at night.
- J Edgar Hoover is Napoleon's grandson?
- F***, what dream did you have?
- He dreamt of Agent Scully chasing him with Napoleon's penis.
- Bhag bhag DK Bose...

- Did you guys know ***** (name of a group-mate) means 'golden semen'?

- You are worse than a child in a candy store. You are like an amputee in a prosthetic store.

- Your location cannot be determined bol raha hain (after attempting to share location with friends).
- Gurgaon has still not been mapped.
- Too many cowsheds confused mapmakers.

- I have a serious question. I don't have ****'s phone number or BB pin. Then how is his name appearing on my list?
- I am omnipresent.
- F***er, you are not omnipresent. You are Maruti Omni.

- I have not seen you for so long. Click a picture of yours and send.
- Ensure decent lighting.
- Will you fit in a regular camera phone or do you now need a wide-angle lens?
- F***ers, I now run on a treadmill at speed 9 for one hour daily. If any of you ponchies can beat me, I will hang myself upside down, take a photo and put it up on FB.
- How are you? Just came in and read running for an hour at 9... kisse bhaag raha tha?

Wow. No, really. Wow!


Sraikh said...

Rofl this was hugely entertaining.

The thing is though how do you keep a straight face in meetings while reading this?

HijiBijBij said...

lol!! hilarious! and so true...

Anonymous said...

I absolutely adored this piece!

Anonymous said...

Too funny !Thank you ;)

Anonymous said...

Madly funny!

Me said...

I would die laughing if I was a part of this!! how do u have ur "Meetings" alongside???

R said...

curious what "golden semen" would be in Bengali...

DegeSMS said...

very funny!!