Friday, July 10, 2015

55 Returns To Bollywood

Seven 55-word stories. On seven well-known and not-so-well-known Bollywood episodes. 


“Galti ho gayi, Anand-sahab.”
“Galti ke bachche, tu jaanta hai mera shirt kitne ka hain? Main tere paise se...”
“Nahin malik, wohi saamne wale sahab se adla-badli...”
“Tujhe sab pata hain to...”
“Haan sahab, Prabhat Studios mein kaam karte hain...”
“Prabhat..?”
“Jee... dance master hain.”
“Kya naam bataya?”
“Padukone sahab... woh doosre maale mein kholi...”


“Nahin yaar, jam nahin raha hain.”
“Omprakash-ji, aap ko chahiye kya lyrics mein?”
“Thoda mischief... thoda romance... thoda banter chahiye, yaar.”
“Aap ko maine kitne options diye lekin... aaj aur nahin soch sakta. Kal phir se sitting rakhte hain.”
He turned to the two composers.
“Achha, toh hum chalte hain.”
“Phir kab miloge?” asked Laxmikant.


“Sorry beta but we can produce your script only by closing this office.”
“But that would mean...”
“Haan, people will lose jobs...”
“No, no... I will rework the budget.”
“How...”
“We’ll make the film for less but the office should run.”
“Thanks, Sooraj.”
“Kya bol rahe ho? Aapke mere beech no sorry, no thank you...”


“Okay... so, you don’t know her address?”
“No.”
“You have not even a vague idea of the locality where she might be staying?”
“No.”
“And you came all the way from Delhi to find her?”
“Yes.”
“Here in Bombay... without an address?”
“Yes.”
“And what if you don’t find her?”
“I will become a superstar.”


“What if this show fails?”
“It won’t... it’s an international hit.”
“But I’ve never done TV.”
“Doesn’t matter. You are...”
“I am very nervous...”
“Sir, you’ll do fine.”
“I don’t think I can do this...”
“Sir, shoot is about to...”
“No, I can’t...”
......
“Deviyon aur sajjanon, aap sabka swagat hai iss adbhut khel mein...”


“Nahin yaar...  not one good reason to do your film... Now don’t start on it being hatke... all films are hatke... I’ll get lost in this multi-starrer, yaar...”
“You haven’t read the script?” the producer asked.
“No, yaar... what’s the...”
“So you don’t know who the killer is.”
“No... who is the killer?” Kajol asked.


“You can’t take a call at an Enrique concert, ya!” 
“I know, ya but...”
“Not from home, na?”
“No, some unknown number.”
“Dekh, it can’t be any producer.”
“No but...”
“Why you spoiling this outing???”
“Let me just take this.”
“Spoilsport, yaar!”
“It will take five seconds.”
....
“Hello?”
“Hello... Bidya? This is Prodeep Shorcar.”

11 comments:

sidwho? said...

Pratham ta thik bujhlam na

Diptakirti Chaudhuri said...

Think of two people in Hindi cinema by the surnames Anand and Padukone.

Iniya said...

Prothomta tobu bujhlam na.. :(

Diptakirti Chaudhuri said...

Gurudutt Padukone and Devdutt Anand were staying in the same chawl when a dhobi exchanged their shirts by mistake. They met to get their shirts back and started one of Hindi cinema's most productive partnerships.

Abhishek Mukherjee said...

Did not get '“Okay... so, you don’t know her address?”' :(

Diptakirti Chaudhuri said...

SRK came to Bombay, looking for Gauri.

M said...

Saw this only today. What a good note to start the week :)
Only the first one stumped me .. Had good fun guessing though !
Keep writing often !!

Jabberwock said...

Super stuff, Dipta! (I got all of them - might have been confused by the first one since I had forgotten GD being a Padukone, but the shirt reference was enough.)

Little Girl Lost said...

Absolutely brilliant. Got all of them :)

Sandeep Mukherjee said...

Hi Dipta, Loved the post. Got bowled over SRK, none the less. Was never very SRK savvy anyway.

Please do one with tollywood...an at least one with Ray...

Sandeep Mukherjee said...

Hi loved your post. Got bowled over SRK, never into SRK anyway.

Please do one with Kolkata....so much material is around....and please do one with Ray.