Thursday, February 18, 2016

10. Mission Impossible IV: Ghost Protocol

How does Lea Seydoux - with a background in French art cinema - get cast in action franchises like Bond or MI? She doesn't have an ounce of the icy charm or the kickass action capability that are table stakes for roles like these?

How does Anil Kapoor talk about his Hollywood creds when his entire screen time in MI:IV is a little less than what Priyanka Chopra gets in the opening credits of Quantico?

How does... oh, forget it!

Mission Impossible IV follows the set pattern of the MI films: crazy ass opening sequence, outlining of crazier ass mission, failure of mission despite megatons of gizmo-giri, planning of craziest ass mission to undo damage and - finally - execution of that mission. MI:IV does just that going from Kremlin to Burj Khalifa to Mumbai to an multi-storied automated parking lot (ostensibly in Mumbai as well).
The action scenes are pretty good though the dialogues have to be the clunkiest and corniest I have heard in any Hollywood movie, let alone the MI frachise. And tragically, most of these lines are given to Anil Kapoor.
As billionaire playboy Brij Nath, Anil Kapoor has lines like “I found your capricious passion intriguing” and “Like all Indian men, I’m very hot” before being bested by Paula Patton. I am just filing it under #CannotAbleTo and henceforth, vowing to follow the international careers of only Irrfan and Priyanka C from now on.

Also, it is amazing that these franchises - which seem super-researched at the international locations - turn out to be messes of inaccuracies whenever they land up in India. I am guessing it is because they are terribly researched everywhere but I am able to spot the Indian goofs.
So, you have millionaire Brij introducing Mughal-style miniatures as "original art from Chhatarpur district" while a "state-run TV channel" is the Chennai office of Sun TV and shown to be "6.7 miles from a Mumbai mansion not far away from Taj Palace". And I am not even getting into the Kannada signs in what is supposed to be a Mumbai mall.
We loved you so much, Ethan. And you made our jhakaas Bollywood hero do namaste like as if he is sneezing?
Sigh. 

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